It's my 32nd birthday today. I have more wisdom and grey hairs than I used to, but other than that I feel basically like my 16-year-old self.*
*Which is a good thing, because that 16-year-old is close to my true self (that self I mention below, and who I talk about more in this post about following your North Star.)
Since I always reflect hard on the anniversary of my birth, I would like to publish an entry from my personal journal, written on September 9, 2015 - my 30th birthday. I kept a journal during the entire four months I was in yoga teacher training and it was the best thing I've ever done. It's so awesome to look back through it now and continue to feel motivated and validated in the work I am doing (both on myself, and professionally), and to remind myself of where I was and where I want to be.
This entry just scratches the surface of my story and I plan on sharing more of it in the future, in the hopes that it will help inspire others to overcome any hardships, blocks, or fears with which they may be struggling. But for now, I'm spreading my vulnerability wings in this way. My hope is that this entry will inspire you to know that a change or a new way is possible - whatever that means for you. You CAN go for everything you desire.
This is very personal, I feel very vulnerable, and yes, I really do talk to myself like this, as though I'm writing to another person. Maybe I am? (Cue woo woo music.) This is truly not edited in any way, so here's some raw Jen Wyatt:
Quick reflections before bed on my 30th birthday...
30 does feel different. But not in a bad way. Still in a way that makes me emotional. I think it's just reflecting on where I am...and how far I've come. I feel like I am finally becoming my true self, and who I was meant to be. Why has it taken so long to allow this person to emerge more fully? She's always been there, and I've always been in touch with her in some capacity, but I feel that I'm finally able to start to make her a priority. She's not getting pushed to the back burner because of what other people expect of me or what I think I should do. As Kate says, "fuck should." I need to start living my life the way that is right for me. Approaching 30 has helped me see that. Everything I've been through in the last few years with leaving Kurt, and then his death, has made me more reflective and more conscious of my life, my time on this earth, and in making choices that are right and positive for myself.
So here's to 30. The year when I start following my dreams. The year when I stop caring about what I should do, and start just doing what feeds my soul. Here's to the year (and forever more) of making shit happen, instead of waiting for it to come to me. And the year where I don't procrastinate those "I've always wanted to ______." We get one life. There are no excuses not to go after all that you hope for and dream for. Follow that desire.
As of today, it's been exactly two years since I wrote that journal entry, and I am now in the midst of pursuing my dreams, goals, and passions as a career full time. I am currently living out of a suitcase... having just left my life in Boston as an elementary school teacher and part-time yoga instructor, the life of comfort that I knew with a supportive community of friends and colleagues surrounding me. And now striding towards the next life... a life in a new city (Naples, Florida), with no community (yet!), no income (yet!), and a zillion other unknowns...but with the feeling in my heart that, despite all the struggles that will undoubtedly come, I am back on the path that is right for me. The path that will lead me closer to my own truth, in whatever form that ends up taking. I've nowhere near "made it" and this isn't a traditional "success story" in the sense that I've achieved all that I've ever wanted, made gazillions of dollars doing it, and am sipping pina coladas every day from my hammock (yet!). But in all seriousness, this is success to me - because I've taken steps in the direction of following my heart. And now all that's left is the journey.
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
~ Lao Tzu